can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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