What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
