ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
