i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
