I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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