I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
