remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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