IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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