I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I think I am morally bankrupt
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
