Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
