stop calling my apartment porn island.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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