i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
