My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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