"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
