first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
