I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
