if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
he shaved USA in his pubs
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
