i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
