it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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