Where is the hickey?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
