I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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