They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
