new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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