just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
