Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
