he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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