Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
