Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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