legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
