my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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