And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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