haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
