I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
