okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
