He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
