I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
