the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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