my mouth tastes like poor choices
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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