What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
It's never too late to be topless.
There's always time for handjobs
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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