dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
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