Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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