There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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