I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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