Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
