i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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