My nipple is on Facebook.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
