I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
