Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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