I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
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