I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
