I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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