Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
