We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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