y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
4 words: hood of his car
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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