So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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