how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
