Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
