When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
